Of course. I went over to his house yesterday to finish up things with my old room. I went to his room and he acted like nothing had happened–like we hadn’t written those wrenching emails to each other, as if they were jokes and we were back to being more than friends again. We did nothing for a while, and finally went down to watch TV. He kept trying to kiss me–on the cheek, of course, and once on the mouth; I did that really annoying thing where I just don’t move anything, my lips sealed like a statue. Kind of like when I had to kiss girls in high school plays.
What got to me? Why did I kiss him back at the end? Why did I put my arm around him and rest my hand on his chest? Did I want to go back to what we had–or was I just scared (as one so often is) of being alone?
I’m not sure which it is. But I don’t think it’s healthy, and tonight is the first night of my quest to find someone who’ll treat me as I deserve to be.
